I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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