I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
