so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
