I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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