I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
