Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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