just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
