Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
