Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize