Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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