what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
