The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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