Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
