He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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