Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
