Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
