fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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