OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
