butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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