There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You work out of a Hotel?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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