So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
