i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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