How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize