Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
