I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
