I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize