i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
