the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
