Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
