I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
