dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
