the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
