whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
