you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
