I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
