You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
