i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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