what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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