Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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