it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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