after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still dying that you shit outside
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
