And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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