I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
