I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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