that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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