I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
