dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
