Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
