If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
