Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
