TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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