I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
