if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
