i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize