people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
did i just pee glitter
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