woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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