Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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