the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
