.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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