needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
