Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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