it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
