I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
