I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
