i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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