Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
