If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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