he puts the penis in happiness.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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