I hate your face
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
