I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize