Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
