direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize