hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
