If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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