I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize