dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Randomize
