when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
