you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
