It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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